This one is for you; Advance Auto Parts.

That’s it! I’m walking into Advance and taking everyone down. Nothin’ but a bunch of penises pretending to be mechanics.

“Oh. Well this code here means there’s something wrong with your Cadillac converter…”

Really? What’s a Cadillac converter? Do tell. I think you mean catalytic converter. And how do you know what that code means? Maybe it means there’s something wrong with the sensor. Since, it’s what the sensor reads that sets the check engine light off in the first place. Perhaps, it’s the sensor that is broken. But, go on…

“I can order you a new Cadillac today, wont be here for a few days. We don’t keep those on hand…”

Really? You mean you don’t have a stock pile of spare parts from every year of every model of every car? I’m so disappointed. (Maybe he’s really trying to sell me a Cadillac…)

Go on Mr. Nothing-but-two-belt-loops-keeping-my-pants-together. Tell the people how much it’s gonna cost.

“It’ll run around $300, so…”

Nope. Not a Cadillac, and if it was, it’s not in good condition.

Seriously? Off the top of your head, you know how much that’s going to cost? Ok. I’ll give you that. After all, you’ve probably suckered a lot of people into buying things they don’t need. May I point out that NAPA has 4 catalytic converters for under $200 listed on their website. And that doesn’t include the discount given to my local real mechanic, so the part would actually cost less than that.

Oh, and did you know that the Vehicle you’re “diagnosing” actually has two Catalytic converters? No. You probably didn’t.

I know. I know. I have a vagina, and that means I don’t know anything about cars. Nooo. My Mind is far too occupied with things like nail color and shoes.

I couldn’t possibly grasp how pistons, gaskets, spark plugs, belts, and a crankshaft function. Nor do I grasp that concept that a CATALYTIC converter is less vital to the functioning of a car, and more vital to Green Peace and the EPA. Important stuff here people.

Of course, there is the possibility your cat is so gunked up with crap (Clogged with Unburned HydroCarbons aka: Unburned fuel.) that it could actually cause problems.

Here’s a thought: On your way to a real mechanic, take the time to rev your engine to the red line a few times. DON’T FUCKING HOLD IT THERE, YOU STUPID BLONDE BIMBO!! Rev and Release. When you arrive at the shop. Tell them to clear the code. Now, go drive. It it comes back on, go back to the shop, and find out what’s wrong. If it stays off, problem solved.

But I don’t know anything about any of this. Nooo. That’s man business. And people wonder why I’m such a man hating bitch.

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