Pet Peeves

#1 – Customers on Phones
Don’t ask me for help while you’re on the phone. You wanna buy something? Then tell the person on the other end that you have to stop being a douche for a few minutes so you can buy something nice for your mistress. The next time a customer comes up to me with a cell phone attached to their ear; I’m engraving their item with the following message:

“My item is mis-engraved because I was talking on the phone instead of paying attention to what I was ordering.”

#2 – Customers who think I have X-Ray Vision
I can’t see through the counters. If you’re standing at one of the corner towers and the words “Can I see this?” come out of your mouth while you pointing at the item; I’m gonna jump over the counter, drag you into the kiosk, and ask “Do you see the item you were looking for? Well guess what. Neither can I. Try Again.”

#3 – Customers who think its okay to stand inside the kiosk
it’s not okay. Why is this so complicated? If you want to put on an apron and do my job while I go get myself some lunch, then you can come inside the kiosk. Otherwise, stay the hell out; or I’m putting some kind of electro-shock system in there.

#4 – People who bump against the kiosk while walking by
First, there are fragile things on the counter that you risk knocking off when you do this. Second, there are glass doors and when your brick of a purse bumps into it, its sounds like the door is going to break. If you break one of those doors; I’m pulling of another door and smashing it over your head. If you break an item; I’m making you pay for it; and whatever remains of the item gets launched at your skull.

Depth perception people! Unless you’re wearing an eye patch; you’re perfectly capable of *not* running into the kiosk.

#5 – “Oh? Only an hour?”
No sweetie. You weren’t listening to me. I said the *minimum* wait time is an hour. That means *at least* an hour. I won’t normally make a big deal about this. On a normal day, it might take 15 minutes to engrave something. However, when we’re busy; it’s going to take an hour, maybe longer. That’s why we say “minimum.”

#6 – People who don’t listen when I tell them about the various fees
“$3 a word…wait. Why are you charging me $6?”
Yet again, not listening to me. I said $3 a word with a $6 minimum.

“Why is a date $6″
Because in reality a date is three words. You’re getting off easy. Shut the hell up.

“Why am I paying $10 for a carry-in engraving?”
Do you have a car? Familiarize yourself with the concept of insurance and then get back to me. You’re $10 goes towards replacing an item if we screw it up. And yes, I’m sorry, but it happens.

“Well do I get my $10 back if nothing goes wrong with my engraving?”
Do you get your insurance money back if you don’t crash?

#6 – People who play with our fragile displays or let their children play with our fragile displays.
Why would you do that? Put the snow globe down. It’s not your boyfriend; it doesn’t like it when you play rough. And smack your little hell spawn upside the head…AFTER you’ve extracted the fragile item from his snot and drool covered paws.

#7 – Customers who think I’m “new” to this job.
I’m the MANANGER! And that’s all I really have to say.

#8 – Any question on engraving that contains the phrase “Will They…”
They? They who? Who is they? Who do you think is engraving this? They? Do you honestly believe that there is some magical portal that I toss your item and workorder into, and some enslaved keebler elf on the other side engraves it, then throws it back? NO! I will make sure that your engraving is done just the way you want it, because I, ME, The person to whom you are speaking, is the one that will be engraving your order.

#9 – Customers who use the word “comparable”
The only time I hear this word is when customers are think using said word will get them somewhere. It’s always in this sentence too: “What do you have that’s comparable?” In other words, they are looking for a similar item but for the same price. Which is to say, if they are looking at a $25 clock that’s out of stock, they want you to give them the $75 clock for $25. I’m sorry, but “out of stock” is NOT a valid customer complaint. No where does it say “guaranteed in stock”, and I’m not gonna take that kinda loss just because you’re too retarded to call in and see what we have.

#10 – “Why is [Insert Merchant Name Here] closed? Where did they go? When are they coming back?
Am I wearing a Foot Locker shirt? A Vitamin World shirt? Ritz Camera? NO! I have an APRON that says “THINGS REMEMBERED” on it, and that makes me cranky, because I hate wearing the thing, and if a bunch of retards are gonna keep walking up to me and asking me questions, as if they can’t see the apron that indicates I work at TR, then I might as not be wearing the thing in the first place. Plus, I really resent people who give me an attitude when I say “I don’t know” “Well, haven’t you been here?” Yes, as a matter of fact, I’ve spent most of my day engraving, so I really haven’t noticed where the nice people at foot locker went.